Our House is Cursed

10:29 AM Posted In Edit This 2 Comments »
In most modern homes, one would expect a few simple things of the plumbing. One would expect that clean water would come into the house through the pipes, powered by the pump. One would expect that water to then move to places like the kitchen or bathroom sink, tub, toilet or washer on demand. One then expects the used water to exit the house either to the septic or gray water drainage as appropriate.

These are things that most homeowners simply take for granted. The physics and mechanics of plumbing are not very complicated and our family all of the necessary equipment in place for these processes to happen smoothly. But in our home, this rarely happens, despite all of Bryan's expertise and hard work at trying to coerce the system to function properly.

So, after living here for 8 years, am convinced that our home is cursed. It is a very intricate, specific and powerful curse. Here is what I have been able to determine about the 'rules' of the curse:

-The basic rule seems to be that most, but not all, of the components of the system may function properly at any given time.

-All components of the system may function properly after a major repair or event, but for no longer than 45 days.

-The longer it has been since a disruption and subsequent repair, the more expensive and difficult the next repair must be.

-All family vacations or long weekends must be accompanied by a major break down in the system requiring either a repair, a contamination event or dry well. Specifically, sumer vacation must include the well running dry at least once. Winter break must include frozen pipes.

-Luna must not be allowed to use the Claw Foot bathtub more than two times a year. This is assured by low water levels during the warm months and arctic temperatures in the bathroom during the cold months.

-At least 40% of all plumbing events must happen during times of major stress and/or require late night repairs - like the recent MLK day fiasco when the washer pipes burst just as Bry was leaving to chaperone a youth activity.

-60% of all repairs must involve neighbors or Home Teachers helping by climbing down into the well, staying up with Bry until 2:00 am, or taking apart some part of the septic system - as in the 2nd half of the MLK day fiasco when Ken had to take our toilet apart to remove a truly horrible, nasty clog while Bry was reparing the washer pipes.

-30% of all failures must be completely inexplicable - like the trap on the kitchen sink suddenly & mysteriously coming completely unscrewed just when the sink is draining.

So - I need to find a way to break this curse since moving does not sem to be an option at present. Anyone know andy powerful witches?

2 comments:

Kim said...

OMG, you had me rolling (but in sympathy) at your post! I have decided that I reside semi-permanently under my very own black cloud. Because without bad luck, I would most likely have no luck at all!

Virginia Burnett said...

LOL! You need to learn Pooh's little black rain cloud song. I'm glad that it is just the plumbing that seems cursed so far . . .

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