Luna's Baublebilities

Ug.  I'm still so sick.  Worse today than the last few days.  Blah. 

So I made some Orange juice and  an Orange Collection to cheer myself up.





I really need to get well. 

For February, I will try to make 3 collections a week.  I also need to finish several projects each week.  My inventory is low at the SLC Arts Council gallery and in my ArtFire shop.   I'm moving all of my supplies to LunasBaublebilities on ArtFire - I know!  That's a shift.  The Baublebilities shop will hold . . .  baubles . . .  and the Goblins' Market shop will hold my finished creations and, eventually, some of Molly Bryn's work.  She's doing some pretty funky things with jeans lately.

Still contemplating my course.  Still fighting off this cold.

Here's Doodle #2














Inspired by Chris Neri's photo of a Red Tailed Hawk over on Night Flight Images.

Go take a look at the rest of their photos  - really beautiful work.  Chris & Nova have some of their gorgeous prints at the SLC Arts Council gallery in Potsdam.  Nova is a North Country Native with connections to St. Lawrence Nurseries.  The best place to get edible landscaping in Upstate NY!

Why Molly and Bryan and Maxx were so down and out last week.

Sore throat.  Headache.  And worst of all - an internal not feverishness but shakiness, imbalance, a palsy of the bones or something of that sort.  Weariness and incapacity. 

Not to mention the deep cold that wants to sink into the rooms of the house.  I must fight it off with wood and coals all day.

Ginger & lemongrass tea and a nap maybe?  There's oh, so much to do...

What a year.


Here's where I was in January. 

We've come a long way since then.  We are in our new house.  My new studio is functional when it is clean - though a bit chilly this time of year.  The rest of the house is coming together and every project we finish in the rest of the house frees up time & space in my studio.  (You can read more about our project on the house over at The Beorningstead.)   I've developed some new product lines and I'm slowly learning how to manage my studio time better.


I still haven't gotten to finishing those tee shirts yet but I keep playing with screen printing design possibilities and I'm feeling almost brave enough to actually get one started.


Maxx is doing much better. Fewer fits, more friends at school, generally healthier.  He is learning how to read - though it is a real struggle, especially compared with Molly who was reading almost straight out of the womb.  His math skills are excellent.  He is happier at Church and more likely to interact in lessons and pay attention and process information well.  As much as I worry about some of the pitfalls of public education, I know that Maxx is really benefiting from the environment and services he enjoys in his classroom.  His teacher this year is incredible!

Molly is doing well at school.  She is admittedly bored and frustrated with the History/Social Studies and Literature classes.  She loves many of her teachers, is doing surprisingly well in Math and thrives in Music class.  You should hear her incredible voice.  Her range has expanded and she is quite a chamelion - she can sing in a very mature, sophisticated, operatic style or she can jazz it down quite a bit.  She had callbacks for the musical last night - we'll find out this afternoon what part she gets.

Bry has a job he likes - though it is over an hour away from home.  We're struggling with how long he is gone every day.  Luckily, his supervisor is very understanding and has encouraged him to take his time and be wise about traveling on the bad roads this winter.  His assistant lives 5 minutes from the school so if the roads are awful or impassible out our way, he can take some extra time getting in.  He has reached a level of frustration with the house because he has so few hours to work each day.  We're really looking forward to some holiday time to work on the house and relax this week.

I am healthy-ish.  What a pleasant surprise that has been.  Last fall, I was beginning to think that I would rather just die and get it over with than continue to suffer with so many viral illnesses and subsequent sinus (or ear) infections over and over again.  Why am I healthy all of a sudden?  I think there are several factors:  Maxx's immunity is a bit stronger than it was so he's sick less often and not mixing up as many mutations for me.  Using Progest has had a profound effect on my entire body.  I am entirely convinced that my endocrine system was completely off kilter and estrogen dominant for most of my life (WHY couldn't doctors have figured that out 20 years ago???) and the Progest has given me a balance that I've been needing for decades.  Everything is better.  Except maybe my weight - that is proving to be a bit difficult but I have established an equilibrium in the last couple of months and hopefully that means I'll be able to start bringing it down instead of watching it continue to creep up. 

I have left Etsy.  I cannot begin to tell you what a tremendous relief that is.  My cash flow has taken a painful hit but I'm no longer playing the re-newing game and spending dozens of dollars each week just to keep my items in a search.  Want to read more about Etsy Fail?  Look here.  I'm not going to talk about it anymore. 

Now I'm examining my business plan again - or still.  There are several issues that I need to resolve in the coming weeks and I'm looking forward to taking a few days this holiday to contemplate my business goals and personal goals and how I will get them to mesh comfortably this year.  Mostly, I want to be a healthier, less-stressed mom and create more.  I really want to get back to writing and Complex Cloth.  Most of my dyeing in the past several years have been targeted for mainstream sales - which is great.  We all love having those glorious silks floating around on rinse days.  I also want to experiment with some more in-depth surface design techniques.  Hopefully I can make time and space for that in my life next year.

















. . . .

Today I broke down and ordered a couple of samples of mineral makeup foundation.   I'm trying to wean myself and our family off from commercial product that contain xeno-estrogens and endocrine disruptors.  Molly Bryn has many, many strange difficulties that seem to be related to her hormonal state, which has gotten worse lately.  We definitely need to cut out commercial meats - easier said than done when we don't have our cow or chickens or piggy yet.  Beans, anyone? 

My own levels have been much more manageable for the past couple of years but a recent discussion with Bing from Natural Way in Massena alerted me to the fact that our personal products may pose as great a risk as the food we eat - more in some cases as cosmetics are not regulated in the same way as food. 

Skin Deep manages a website which includes a tool that will allow you to see the risks associated with the cosmetic an personal care products you use.  I use the palest shade of foundation I can find that does not dry my skin.  Sadly - it has a rating of 7 in terms of toxicity because it is so pale.  It looks like something I should avoid.  As do our soap, our shampoo, our conditioner and my favorite lipstick.


So today, I ordered a couple of sample colors of foundation from Pink Quartz minerals.  I'll let you know how it works for me.  One thing that is really nice about these mineral makeups is the sheer number of color choices.  Look at all those foundation tones!   Have you looked at the eye shadow possibilities?  Pink Quartz has tons!  At the drugstore, we are held hostage to the whims of the Runway when it comes to color. 

Molly and I would like one of each, please!

You can read about our color plans for the Beorningstead here!

wow.  I have not felt this awful in a year.  The timing is horrible.  I was supposed to work today,but considering that I can't even sit up straight or keep my eyes focused or stop the effusion of horribleness coming from - well, suffice it to say that I'm sick and unpleasant about the face today.

The real miracle of all this is that I haven't been this sick in a whole year.

The first three years Maxx lived with us, I was sick more or less like this every 3-6 weeks.  Maybe not this bad every time, but seriously unwell with some viral cocktail or another that the boy mixed up to share with me.  It was bad in pre-K and got much worse in Kindergarten.  In 2009, I think I used twice as many antibiotics as in the whole of my life leading up to that year -

)News Flash - strange shimmering stuff going on at the edges of my field of vision . . . that's new.  Guess I had better call the doc to see if that's related to that junk she gave me to squirt up my nose as soon as they open.)

- Then last year, I caught Swine Flu and suffered the Ear Ache fro Hell and then was . . . . better.  Great, even.  It was as is Swine Flu had cured me of everything.  I started using ProGest in January 2010 as well, and that made a definite difference with my entire endocrine system.  So I've been very healthy for almost a whole year.

And now I realize that I had a darn good reason for gaining 20 pounds, being depressed and unproductive and miserable.  I felt like this all the time.  Hopefully, I will feel better next week.  Hopefully I will  learn someday how to be productive again and keep the house clean-ish again.  In the meantime I'm going to call the doctor and go back to bed.

This has been a poignant month. 

My girlfriends and I at Church learned that a dear friend who moved away a few years ago was diagnosed with breast cancer a few weeks ago.  She lives far away and we can't take her out for chocolate or help her keep her house clean and her family fed while she goes through whatever treatments are in store for her.  That's particularly frustrating and painful for all of us.

My Aunt Di, thankfully, is still in remission.

The SLC Arts Council is currently running a memorial exhibit of the quilts and textile art of Lorre Belt, who recently lost her life to breast cancer.  Every Thursday, I walk into work and am surrounded by the work of a sister artist who I never met but whose spirit was so strong that she left significant energy in every piece of fiber she touched.  The first week the show was up, I found myself wandering around the gallery touching everything - sweaters, penny rugs, quilts, socks, felt applique work . . . - in spite of my inner conservationist's strident protests.  Some of her work is unfinished.  Seeing it makes me think about the huge jumble of things - art projects, construction and decorating plans, children & family - that I would have to leave behind if I were called home early.

I will be 41 in a couple of months.  I'm carrying far too much weight which raises my risk factors for cancers and heart disease.  Photos from our weekend visit to the mountains high lighetd that fact for me - my Weston jowls have completely taken over my face! 

There's a lot that I do not want to leave behind early.  While I can't control all the events of my life, it is high time that I start controlling a few more of my risk factors.  I've been successful with managing my endometriosis in the past and  I need to translate that success to managing my diet and weight a little better again.  I seem to be past the constantly sick and/or broken phase of my life as Maxx's Mommy.  I'd like to fit into my awesome brocade pants again for the holidays.  I'd like to worry less about my longevity.  Feel free to nag me about it.

Here's a collection of pinks for October- fellow artists working in the color of the moment.

Or was, this morning.

Sometimes I feel like Cassandra, walking about my little kingdom here admonishing everyone that things are out of control and getting dangerous and being completely ineffective at establishing any sort of balance or formulating a plan for damage control. My concerns go unheeded by everyone (including myself) until things go up in flames. In our family's case, going up in flames means that mom has a major hormonal/insomniac meltdown and poor Bryan has to pick up the pieces.

He has gotten quite good at that in the course of 18 years and we've almost erradicated these temporary tragedies completely. They do still sneak up on us and sometimes, they are even good for both of us, in a slash and burn sort of way. But if you have never been an estrogen dominant, insomniac woman who is hard wired and well trained in the art of extreme anxiety, you have no idea how terrifying and painful those little apocalypses are. The fact that I am still alive today is a testament to both Bryan's skill at soothing crazy people and my stubborn determination to stick it out in this life.

This morning's episode was definitely a result of losing lots of sleep over Maxx's asthma issues since late June (and probably some post-traumatic fall out from the ER visit) added to the stress of the housing situation, added to the stress of running a small business, added to the stress of not having enough Studio space or time (I thought I would have Running Water by now!) added to the stress that a Branch President's family is just always under, added to a lack of exercise, added to sadness that one of our favorite familes is moving away, added to the disappointment that summer is about half over and we just really aren't having any fun. Or at least, I'm not. (Big sigh.)

But now the field is burned, the sun is shining, I've got some new endorphins runnning in my blood from my early morning snot and tears treatment and I don't feel so angry and hopeless anymore. Life is just a whole lot bigger than me. I've got to expect to get flattened sometimes.

Here's a poem that I started over 4 years ago. It is loosely addressed to one of the women who trained me so well in the art of extreme anxiety - my maternal grandmother who, in spite of experiencing more misery in her life than I believe I could withstand, kicked back at death for over 13 years in a nursing home. It lacked a title until this morning

Troy is Burning
Virginia Burnett

The woman behind the counter looked at your photograph,
back at me.
"Is this you?" she asked.

Now my hand moves hopelessly against my forehead.
This curve under my palm is the same
as that which once held your smile.
These are connections deeper than blood
in the lines of our hands and the brown of our eyes,
the spaces between our synapses
and the delicate coil of our DNA.

We belong to our daughters
and to their daughters;
generations new and unborn.
I panfully, gracelessly keep this writhing darkness
safely sealed within my veins;
How is it that I may rip this web & mar this pattern,
when you, for so long, labored to keep it whole?







. . . .

What a week we had last week! Bry has been working on taping the ceiling panels in our livingroom (remember that living room makeover we started last spring break?) and I've been working on scarves and inventory updates and we've both been cleaning up after a sick kid so the house is in serious disarray this morning.






I hope to get the living room clean and tidy, the laundry folded and maybe put away, Maxx's toddler toys cleaned out of his room so some of his bigger boy toys can go in, get the dishes washed and the kitchen cleaned up as well as spend at least half an hour with the treadmill, keep the fire burning and keep Molly on task with homeschool.

I'm not ambitious at all today.



But first I wanted to show off my new scarves and show you who I found lurking in the lair when I cleaned my studio a couple of weeks ago.








Here are some photos of my new scarves - they are already on their way to their new owners.







I'm in love with the purple moon scarf. I need to get my stretcher back out later this week and experiment with those funky color combinations some more.










These are among my simpler dragons and certainly are not my best ever but they are cute.

The Phoenix is wonderful. It was an exciting design challenge and I had fun blending the colors and creating the plumage. I've listed them all over at GoblinsMarket. They are not getting the attention they deserve hiding away in the mess of my studio.






I haven't worked with polymer clay for a while so these are probably over a year old. I'm torn about working with polymer anymore. I really like making dragons - I love the intricacy that I can develop with color and embellishments and I am addicted to all things fairy tale. BUT - the last time I worked with the clay, I had some very troubling reactions. . . . . .

It had been a few years since I had had time and inclination to get the stuff out - mostly because my old pasta machine was shot - it just took too long to condition the clay and get a good color blend with the old machine. There was a sale on PM's at Joanne Fabric on day so I rushed out to grab a new one and got my clay out again. I made lots of dragons and some mokumo game beads over the course of a couple of weeks and then my hormones hit me. PMS was terrifying that month - I was an emotional wreck (worse than my usual wreckage) weeping and then raging uncontrollably, close to suicidal a couple of times, horribly painful breasts and the night before my cycle began, I had bouts of shaking, chills and sweating. I was seriously considering a trip to the ER.

After decompressing for a few days, I realized that my horible hormones were probably a reaction to contact with the polymer clay. I bought some hand lotion that forms a barrier on your skin to prevent absorption of chemicals. The next month PMS was bad, but not as bad as the previous month. I quit using the Polymer Clay and my system stabilized to its normal level of insanity after a few cycles. I haven't worked with the clay since and can't decide on what course of action to take.

Do I use up what I have left? Do I chuck it all out? Do I try to continue to work with the stuff wearing gloves as much as possible? I was very frustrated to have developed a profitable and fulfilling new product line (dragons) only to discover thatthe process makes me sick. And I'm in a quandry about supporting an art form that obviously has serious health and likely environmental implications. Polymer Clay advocates and manufacturers insist that the stuff is safe, it cannot case cancer or other disease and is manufactured in an environmentally sound manner.

Really? Who do I trust? My body or those who make money selling me the stuff? How closely linked is my early Ploymer Clay use to my secondary infertility and endometriosis problems?

I will never know.

What I do know is that I have these beautiful things sitting around and stuff to make more ofthem and I don't know what to do with it all.